FAMILY FUEDS: Seven Simple Tips To Prevent Family Feuds From Killing Your Family Business

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Family feuds- whether they start in the family and spill into the business or vice versa, they are a major factor in the poor survival rate of these businesses. 

Studies indicate that only about 30% of family businesses successfully transition into the second generation.  "One of the misconceptions many people have is that a successful family business equates to having a common ‘view’ amongst family members of how things are done and when," says Don Schwerzler, a top family business expert.  "It has been our experience that just the opposite is true. In successful family businesses, there is a surprising amount of disagreement or lack of consensus when new ideas or issues are first being debated and discussed."

The day to day dialog within family businesses needs to create a “positive tension,” as opposed to a dysfunctional family business where the tension created by the dialog is destructive and leads to the deterioration of family relationships, creating family business conflict.

Bob and Susan are owners of a second-generation family business. Doing $8M in sales, they have three adult children who work in the business. The family has a formal business meeting every month. Progress Reports are made on "action items" from previous meetings and new ideas and issues are discussed and debated. Sometimes a decision is forthcoming - sometimes the topic is tabled for additional research and further discussion. This family business is a great example of a family working well together and strengthening family relationships.

But it wasn't always like that. At one time, Bob and Susan hated to have family meetings because they rarely did anything positive. It generally turned into family fights where tempers flared and the language used and the insults made would create havoc within the family business. The parents were fearful that the family was unable to work together and that the family meetings would damage the family relationships beyond repair. Before seeking help, Bob explained they planned to put the business on the block and fire sale it - sell it for whatever they could get - if mediating didn’t work because they just couldn’t take the fighting anymore.

Having a facilitator come in during the family meetings helped break destructive habits. Each member of the family agreed to the help - and each agreed to work hard at changing the status quo. They understood that the family business conflicts were hurting the growth of the business and worsening the family relationships.

One of the most basic yet most important lessons taught during facilitation of a Family Business Meeting or a Family Council Meeting is Respectful Listening and Respectful Questioning. The goal is to enable the family members to become better skilled at active listening, which is the key to communicating effectively with those who disagree.

Here are Seven Simple Tips on being a better "active listener," courtesy of FFI.org.

1. Make time to understand the points of view of others - the payoff can be huge.
2. Understand we make a difference one conversation at a time - don't try to out shout everyone else.
3. Seek more information and insights from those with whom you disagree - ask for amplification and examples that will enable you to better understand other points of view.
4. While disagreements on issues may be strong, don't forget the family's values are a shared bond and represent a shared commitment to the common good.
5. Create "rules of behavior" for the family meetings and abide by them - being family does not excuse boorish behavior or a lack of business etiquette.
6. Do not ridicule or be sarcastic to other family members - know and understand that being in a family business does not result in solidarity of opinion.
7. Establish time limits on discussions or debates - when that time limit is reached but closure is not attained, table the topic for further research and put it on the agenda for discussion at a future meeting.

As one expert put it, "I know we don't have to agree with each other to think well together".

Family feuds are a waste of time and money. Do you find your family business constantly arguing? Does your business have difficulty moving forward because family members disagree? Let Continuity Family Business Consulting step in and help. For more information on family business facilitation, visitContinuityFBC.com or our Facebook page, linked HERE!